Tuesday, July 28, 2009

My 'If Only's- for Kait

My sister asked me last night if I wished she would change. The question struck me as funny at first because it made me picture Kait as a little caterpillar I was waiting so patiently to turn into a butterfly. I asked her what she thought I wanted her to change and she said she thought I’d want her to be more responsible and motivated. *Smiles* Because that’s what I do, sit around and dream about the perfect sister: Hmmm, let’s see. She’d be 6 feet tall and drive a 1970 Corvette Stingray which she’d take me for rides in every day and she’d always give me first pick of the cute guys when I saw them… LOL! When my sister was little I used to chase her around the house threatening to lick her forehead because she was so afraid of germs. I used to take her crying baby doll and leaving it screaming buried at the bottom of the toy box because she hated to waste batteries. In short I tortured her royally. If anyone could have asked for a different sister I think it would have been her. I’ve been having a great time. If my sister was perfect I’d have to find a whole new target to pick on. *Wink*

But I guess it’s not really that silly a question. I don’t know how often we try to change the ones we love, and base our requests for those changes in the hopes that when those changes are made they’ll bring us happiness. We usually phrase our wishes with the words “If only…” “If only my husband would leave the toilet seat down…” “If only my kids wouldn’t scream in the house so much…” “If only my parents would give me more credit…” And the end of these thoughts is that if only these changes would occur we’d be happy. When ever I start to think ‘if only’ I wonder what ‘if only’s people have for me. I wonder what people are waiting around for me to change so they can be happy. I want to tell them if they’re going to sit around waiting they’ll never be happy. Half the time your ‘if only’s for another person don’t bug that person one bit and for all you know the things that you hate are the same things they pride themselves on. But it’s not uncommon for our egos (our mind made selves) to try to shape and control everyone else’s egos. What a strange battle of wills as we all try to bend each other to our ‘if only’s. And even if everyone responded to our wishes would we be happy?
I don’t think so. I think our egos like to create drama and find different faults in people to try to change so they can draw us further and further from our goal of happiness. Our egos don’t have the goal of happiness, it would make them pointless.
So I will issue my last ‘if only’ and if any more come forth from me I will cancel them out and replace them with this one… “If only we would all realize that we are already happy and that there is no person, situation or concern that can take that away from us unless we choose to let it. If only we would choose to be in our happiness and give everyone around us the freedom to choose to do the same or not. If only.”

I love you Kait, no ‘if only’s.