Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Ants in Retrospect

I've been going through my old blogs adding tags to them for the past hour. It's so weird to read about your thoughts months after you've had them. First there's the initial shyness over reading what you've written, it's similar to hearing your own voice on a answering machine message. Next there's the strangeness of how much you've changed in the past few months, sometimes progressing forwards, sometimes circling back in on yourself, (giving the illusion of little progress despite all the mileage you've put on). Then there's the odd discovery that some part of yourself has not changed one bit and never seems to no matter how you grow or evolve.

My first few posts were right at the end of my yoga teacher training. I notice I sounded quite a bit lighter and brighter but also a little more unsure and maybe scared or something.

As I move along through my posts I notice my tried and true sarcasm coming back into my writing and while my negativity bugs me I find I sound stronger with that edge to me. I think that's been my balancing trick all along. Trying to be open and happy without being gullible and lost. Soft yet strong, Ying and Yang. The balance a lot of us look for.

The really weird thing in the whole overview is how quickly a person's path changes and swirls around back in on itself. I imagine from a God perspective the path of most humans would look like that of an ant, erratic and lost. That's how it feels sometimes too, at least in the moment. When you're standing in the middle of it life makes absolutely no sense. It's only after the moment has passed that we can look back and see the purpose of the path you followed.

I signed up to do a one day yoga retreat on one of my days off. I haven't been back to the yoga centre in about two months and I'm hoping if I put myself out there I might get some of my shininess back.

I'm not really sure where it goes but I'm hoping if I keep coming back to being shiny long enough it will just stick.
I feel badly about not having more time to post. I hope to get a post out to you about Tapas (the burning enthusiasm Niyama) next time I write.
In the meantime wish you all and myself Shanti Shakti (Peace and Power).