I was feeling pretty down yesterday, thus the lack of blog (sorry), but have perked up today and been thinking about it, you know, the whole getting down thing. I've been ignoring my lack of prospects at this point in my life or at least not focusing on them, for the most part, but yesterday my brain caught up with me and started to point out that I haven't heard from Alberta (that's ok, I've given up on them anyways) and I can't really afford my job out here in Kemptville anymore, and even if I do get a job at the hospital in Ottawa (and there's no guarantee they'll hire me) the whole process will take a while and in the mean time I'm getting a bit of a sinking feeling. Needless to say when I thought about it too long I got myself a bit down.
But in retrospect of yesterday I've realized that blue emotions like this don't really have such a large effect on me because of the desperateness of the situation so much as the lack of feeling needed in my own life. I know most people need to be needed by their partner, but I'll be the first to admit work is my boyfriend and I take job rejections the same way most people take being shot down by someone at a bar. And if my job doesn't tell me I'm the best it's ever had I feel offended! (LOL)
Thinking about it, so many of us are out looking for this partnership in our life that will complete us. Be it a relationship or a job, we're all looking for that one thing that will complete us, and make us whole. I wonder where we grew this illusion that we're all half people walking around, about to topple over if we don't find our other half. But it's true there is this emptiness that exists, this longing to feel complete and living at our full potential. We look out to the very corners of the Earth to find the missing piece. Whole industries surround our search, trying to help us complete our hafling souls.
Thinking about this I had a Wizard of Oz moment. We make such great journeys in our lives in this search and I believe many great things have been found along the way but the only way to find your other half is to find you. You are your perfect other half, but it's so often not seen because we are scanning the horizon instead of looking inside. It's such a weird idea though, that for all our searching our other half is right here, waiting to let us be complete if we could just see it.
In retrospect it makes complete sense. Who else knows what will make you laugh better than yourself? Who knows what kind words you need to hear on a bad day? Who knows what music you feel like listening to and is willing to listen to it with you? If only we would just say the words to ourselves that we need to hear or lend ourselves the patience and comfort we all so desperately need. Yet again and again we look outside ourselves for someone to fill these needs. No one else will be able to anticipate your every need.
Obviously this sounds self-absorbed at first glance and by no means am I suggesting we give up on all relationships because we don't need anyone else. Just putting forth the idea that maybe your relationships shouldn't be about finding that person that completes you, only enjoying anther's company that enriches your already complete life.
And the same goes for my work too. I have to remember I'm already complete and there's no job I can receive that will make me whole.
On the plus side this whole train of thought put me back in a good mood. Just in time for the weekend!