Wednesday, May 7, 2008

One in the hand is worth...

I haven't heard anything about Alberta yet. This is really dragging out now and I'm going to try to call the lady in Alberta tonight so I don't go kooky worrying about it but she might not even be able to tell me anything yet because last I heard they passed my file on to the Medical review board and then I guess they decide whether they'll accept me into a position. The problem is I don't know if my hearing thing will affect if I get this position. And if I want to drive to Alberta instead of fly I'd need to know by Monday whether I have the offer if I plan to leave for the last week in May.
So many variables and even though the whole staying centered is helping me from fixating on the situation too much it's hard to make decisions in life with this up in the air. And it is hard on the self-confidence thing. I mean what if they decide I'm not good enough or that they don't want me any more? Or what if I have to keep doing the job I have forever (Obviously no one can force me to do that). But if I want to switch jobs where will I go? Which of course spirals down into what am I doing with my life. A question lots of people have that seems to rarely get answered the way you think it will.
So if I seem a little down lately now you know why. That's one of the things that yoga won't do for you. It won't take away all the problems you have. And you have to respect it for that. It's doesn't try to sugar coat things. I mean so many quick fixes in life either wear off or leave you worse off. So here I am doing my yoga practice and yep I've still got problems and yep I've still got bad days to go with the good ones. But where I would have been a mess trying to wait to hear back from this job before, I'm handling the purgatory things pretty well now. And I actually feel pretty good despite the up in the air-idness of my life at present.
I'd still like to hear back about the job but I can wait a little longer. I'm trying to think of the good things in life as sparrows. If you want to have a sparrow land on you you have to sit pretty still and be pretty patient. Of course it helps to have some bird seed on hand but even if you have all the bird seed in the world if you run around with it in your hand you'll never have your sparrow. So I'm sitting with my palms up and breathing.