Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Yoga Blush

Some days I like Wednesdays, some days not so much. There's nothing wrong with this Wednesday in particular, I just think it needs a little oomph...
So I went out yesterday for my first lunch yoga practice of the year. That's one of the awesome things about this weather. Suddenly I don't have to spend my lunch break crammed in at my desk, which always made me feel like I didn't even get a lunch. Instead I get to walk out to the field behind the hospital and roll out my mat for a bit of yoga flow in the warm sunshine.
No matter how much I love doing yoga outside I could see how this might not be everyone's idea of a good time. I mean you roll out your mat, hopefully avoiding any dog doodoo and then all the ants in the area like to join you in your practice. And when they say it's a sticky mat they mean everything sticks to it, including all the creepy crawlies preventing you moving into Cobra Pose.
But I think most people could ignore these little inconveniences for the sake of their workout, the hard part is ignoring the people looking at you, it really takes your attention away from the moment, if you let it.
People always laugh when I say I'm shy and I guess compared to the average person I'm not, but that doesn't mean I don't have my reservations about what people must be thinking of me as I bend myself into pretzel poses in the middle of the lawn. Someone walked by with their dog the other day and my first thought was to come back out of my headstand and try to act normal. I think I might have been a little to late for that though. That's the funny thing about shyness. It's a bit of a knee jerk reaction at times. You see someone looking at you funny and you decide for yourself all the things they must be thinking. And how realistic is that? I mean that person walking by with their dog could have been thinking a million different things, all completely unrelated to me, or maybe they were thinking I look nutty, but I'll never know one way or the other. So instead my ego decides for me. So where I could just be fully enjoying my practice I let little doubts and reservations get in the way and I pretend they're the thoughts other people are having about me, but they're really the thoughts I'm having about me. And maybe I should look at those thought and question why I think those things about myself.
We're often our own toughest critic, much harder then we would be on anyone else we loved.
So I kept doing my headstand and by the time I came down the dog walker was gone. A brief appearance in the story of my life. I hope he was thinking he needs to get home and get on his yoga mat...