Thursday, April 17, 2008

Yaksha and your split personality

I was discussing with a friend yesterday the topic of finding yourself and in retrospect realized this is such a common thing for people to be doing. I don't know how many times I've heard myself say if I can just figure things out I can get my life on track. I guess there's some people out there who feel like they're completely in the right place but for a lot of us I think we struggle with feeling a little lost and a little lonely and mostly confused as to what the heck we're supposed to be doing.
And I know people who say they just have to "take time and figure out who they are" (I'm sure I've said that too) but when you consider that statement it's such a bizarre plan. Like when we "take time" to figure ourselves out we don't go into some cave and meditate, or go on a vision quest. We usually just change a few things around and hope we'll suddenly feel like our perfect selves. Like if you "take time" you'll just wake up one day and realize exactly what you are supposed to be doing and it will all fall into place. I think the bad news is that even people who have a pretty good idea what they're doing with their lives still have doubt and bad days and feelings of emptiness. So why are we all looking for this ultimate change that will make us complete?
I've often questioned whether people can change, certainly it feels like somethings alter in people's lives and other things never change no matter how much you want them to. In yoga they explain a clear divide. At our centre we have the Atman. Yoga explains the Atman as the part of you that is constant, it's there with you from birth and is a steady source of yourself. Unfortunately much of our lives are filtered through our ego (A collection of impressions, ideas and biases gained throughout your lives to create who we think we are). I could see this as true for myself because when I sit still and just get present I'm me. There's no question about it, I feel like the same person who's always been here and I feel strong and confident in who that person is. But then my ego starts piping up, "What about those things you did wrong?" or "What about all those things you still have to do in your life?" and then I start second guessing myself. Maybe I'm not me, maybe I won't be me unless I walk on the moon or cure cancer. So then I ground myself and get present again, telling my ego to shut it, oops and there I am again, still me. No changes.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is you are you, full and complete, even with all your little weaknesses and great strengths. And whether you find your purpose in life or not you will still be you, still with your same strengths and weaknesses. So part of being happy is just accepting that there is nowhere in life you have to be. You're already here and no amount of searching's going to find anyone different.